"My hands repeat themselves, so does not time." - Household Gods by Philip Hobsbaum
i have about two weeks more until the big shit drops on me. this is really bloody stressful i just want to grab a suitcase and flee the country. a suitcase with clothes of course. and money. tons and tons of money. maybe i could use the money and make myself a beautiful wooden cottage painted white and and black window panes, with flowy satin curtains, with a beautiful balcony and a wide wooden bench and i can just wake up and go to the balcony, sip a cup of coffee and have scrambled eggs and smoked bacon, made by my servants in french maid attire and a british accent. ok that's odd, but then i'll have hot tight ass gardeners trimming the weeds, and have two golden retrievers peeing in the corner and waiting for me to play ball with them.
omgosh i really want that.
but right now? uh uh not gonna happen. this is just one day gone, and another and another. the above quote is actually the dialogue from a clock. i read it in my english hl past year paper, and it's a great poem, but i nearly failed it. proves two things, i suck in poems, and i am sooooo not ready!!!
basically, much as i want it to be over, i also really don't want it to come. if it doesn't come, no disappointments. if it doesn't come, i'll never have to worry much about my future. as in my future future. it's difficult. i try not to think about it, but i know it's coming faster than i want it and i have to be ready to make a decision and say that yes, this is what i wanna do. all these worries are just my own personal trials, but i know i can do it.
i really miss going out. i really miss hanging out with friends and just doing things that i like. i miss having to just chill and not think that i have something to do and be busy about. i am slacking more and more, and that shouldn't be the case!!!! AHHHHHHHHH HELP. but seriously, this is not everything. i'll just do my best. and to do that JEANETTE STOP WATCHING HEROES AND HOUSE!!!!
and also after the exam, i'll be able to see you soon andrea!!! (: so eggciting!